swollen heart

This is a bouquet of roses from my great Gpa's garden. The bushes are more than 40 years old, and are some of the most beautiful blossoms! I miss my great Gma so much, it has been especially poignant the last couple of days. Grandparents die, I know. Everyone does. Sometimes I feel like I am feeling it too much, and I think about the people who have lost spouses, children, parents and I almost convince myself this shouldn't be so hard given the pain others must feel. But I know everyone processes grief in their own ways, and there is nothing wrong with what I feel- it's true. When I was in Iowa and then Michigan with Josh last fall I had this strange feeling inside of me that was almost magnetic. That's as close to Oklahoma as I've ever been, and I know my Gma was born in Carnegie, and something inside of me wanted to go there and throw myself down on the soil and give thanks to the tiny town that bore her. I wanted to go and find her, I wanted to follow her to wherever she had gone. I wanted to be sure she wasn't alone and scared. Then I quickly remember all she wanted in her last years was to be with my Gpa again, and that's where she is. Not only with her husband, but also a daughter, her parents, siblings and all the family and friends she had lost over the years. I hope it's a long long time from now, but when my day comes, it is going to be the sweetest reunion.

xo